A few years ago, I felt so heavy that I messaged someone for understanding, comfort, and a bit of advice. After sharing my frustrations about my career and daily life, I got this answer:
“I think you don’t pray, maybe that’s why you’re depressed.”
Man, when I read that, I imagined flipping a table, then I ended the conversation with a like.
Yeah, you might say, “You asked for advice, then you didn’t like the answer.” That’s on me. But then again, for that person to assume I don’t pray really frustrates me. That’s not true. I have been praying a lot, and that person has no idea I have been praying to God while my heart is crying.
I admit that there was a point when I didn’t pray often; I didn’t feel close to God. It took me years before I started praying wholeheartedly. Not months; years. And when I finally do that more often, I feel that things have gotten better. Not perfect; better. But that doesn’t really stop the bad days because life’s not like that. So, when someone said “I don’t pray…”, I felt invalidated, so I just stopped opening up. Wag na lang.
It’s a good thing I have other friends I could talk to. If not, I might have felt worse and ended up in something worse.
And even if I’m a Catholic, regardless of someone’s beliefs (or non-beliefs), when someone asks for understanding, comfort, and a bit of advice, you don’t have to force your beliefs to him/her/them. If you really want to share your beliefs with someone who’s hurting, what you could share should comfort them, not scare them.
“Don’t do that. You will go to hell for that.” I mean, really? That’s the kind of so-called “comfort” that made me feel less close to God in the first place.
You might ask, “So, Ian, what do you want for comfort?”
Let me share one. Instead of saying, “I think you don’t pray, maybe that’s why you’re depressed,” maybe ask me this: “Have you seen Scott Steiner videos lately? If you haven’t, maybe that’s why you’re depressed.” Mention Scott Steiner to me, and most of the time, I’ll laugh right away. Being reminded of an insane glasses-wearing muscular professional wrestler who can and will shout inside a church during Mass will crack me up.
All I’m saying is that when someone is at their lowest, you have to be careful with your words, even if they are asking for a bit of advice. You also don’t have to force your beliefs on someone. And sometimes, a simple laugh can help someone who’s been hurting, even for a while.
Header image courtesy of Ramon Karolan.
Ian Pasicolan 